Let me Introduce Myself
My name is Matt, and I created this website to share my ongoing collection of humor stories! Sometimes, I even get published in places like McSweeney's Internet Tendency, Thought Catalog, and Neutrons/Protons. But mostly, I write and publish stories here about my life and how I see the world.
Sometimes, ridiculous things happen to me. More often than naught, though, I try and see the ridiculousness in the regular stuff … in the routines, the chores, the worries, the fun, the bills, the anxiety, the friendships, the family, and the burritos.
I actually focus a lot on eating burritos, I think it might be the reason I was born. So far, no one has offered me a job eating burritos full-time, which is strange. I always thought that by now I would be a successful, professional burrito eater. Hopefully soon.
Writing a Book is Easy, Not!
I'm also writing my first comedic novel. It's important to note that many famous and important people have already commented on the hugely anticipated critical and commercial success of this work.
The premise is based on a penguin named Al Gorbux, who believes he's an actual human being. About to lose his job as a shoe salesmen and on the lamb from the aquarium, Gorbux meets a mysterious and beautiful woman named Kitty Carpenter who convinces him to drive her across the country in search of a magical box that contains all the secrets of the universe (and a really big bag of Cheetos).
Long story short ... Gorbux and Kitty fall deeply in love and eventually realize:
They don't need to know all the secrets of the universe
That love does indeed conquer all
And that large bags of Cheetos can be purchased at every single gas station and grocery store in the country
The two lovebirds get hitched, have a couple penguin-people babies, buy a nice little house, and start a business selling vintage helicopters to people who own wineries. It's a feel-good story, and I think you'll like it.
Stay tuned for the release date and subsequent press conference/tour/global domination. In the meantime, I'm available for creative work, collaborations, and as a consultant for weird ideas and nonsense.
Where Do I Call Home?
I'm from the wonderful state of Massachusetts where I live in the city of Boston with my awesome kick-ass wife; a brave, courageous, and hilarious woman who sometimes finds herself starring in a funny story or two. I'm a lifelong resident of the state (with occasional temporary romps in the nearby and beautiful Vermont) and don't plan on leaving anytime soon.
How Do I Contact Matt?
I occasionally post gibberish and tall tales on my Twitter and you can always email@example.com.