A Detailed Guide: How to Be A Terrible, Horrible, Noisy Upstairs Neighbor

First thing upon waking, you want to start opening and closing drawers with a wild fervor, ensure a good slam before moving on to the next drawer. Have no concern for the integrity of the furniture, it can always be replaced and any structural damage can always be fixed. If you have enough energy, and hopefully you've been exercising regularly, try to stomp your feet up and down while slamming the drawers. This creates a subtle, but complex layering of loud noises that will thoroughly confuse and startle your downstairs neighbor. Obviously the earlier you start all this the better.

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