Summer Is Coming: How to Avoid Getting Sand Stuck in Your Butt

June 7, 2016

I’m happy to report that here in New England, summer is finally on its way.

Don’t believe it?

Just turn the dial of your telly over to the local news station and you’ll see what I’m talking about.

A Few Strange Things that May Occur while Apple Picking

October 15, 2014

As a grown adult New Englander with no children it wasn't until I actually went apple picking that I realized that children are monsters and filling an entire apple orchard with hundreds, even thousands of them is one of the strangest and most horrible things that can happen.

Luckily for you I've prepared a list of guaranteed experiences that will occur when you go apple picking in New England.

What is this?

This website hosts my ongoing collection of non-fiction humor stories, which I continue to post every few months or so while I work on my first book.

Thanks, as always, for your support.

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53 Maintenance Requests and Counting: Return of the Poo Sewage

The very first thing I did today upon awakening once again into this beautiful world was to make a wish, from the bottomless and deepest depths of my heart, that our bathroom toilet would begin yet another flabbergasting flooding disaster. When it comes to bathroom flooding, this is not my first rodeo. More like the seventh.

The Search for Pants: A Modern Day Quest

As a 32-year-old man, I’ve come to learn that finding good pants never gets any easier. It is by nature a process designed to produce incredible moments of frustration. I know now that it’s not simply about finding a great pair of pants, but rather, the process, or journey, in which those pants are ultimately found and enjoyed. It is a quest.

The Horrible Snowstorm and the Frozen City

Let me preface everything by saying that I lost my mind during a sequence of several major snowstorms, which are still arriving, quite comically, one after the next.

And so the story begins with me — an urban street parking New Englander. The big storm hits and news teams are giddy. Grocery stores are overrun. Milk sales are up. There are, miraculously, still people rushing to buy snow shovels.

The Unfortunate Occurrence of a Car Noise

One moment all is right in the world. I'm driving down the highway like any other day, finished with work, focused on the road ahead like a thousand times before. Responsibilities and troubles are on hold as I listen to the tunes on the radio.

And then, there it is. A disturbance. A noise. A noisy disturbance. Birthed from a whole slew of events and car part transactions with the road that I never knew a thing about.